The D Word

I've been avoiding this post. Where do I begin? Where do I end? How much do I share? Should I share? What am I supposed to do about my blog readers? I've been posting less and less. There is a reason for that. I have been too afraid to let on too much. To let too many people know. After all, it's my business, right? Problem is, is this blog is my business. Plastered all of the internetz. I pride myself on my openness and ability to share my life's struggles with others and because I've been afraid to share this, I've been sacrificing something I love, blogging.

This is me. That's all I can offer you guys. I am not a perfect person and I don't pretend to be. My life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I am doing the best I can with the one life I have been given. Unfortunately, at this time in my life, that means divorce.

Greg and I are no longer together. We have not been for some time. There is no reason for me to get into details because this involves too many people (Collin included) for me to air out everything and not hurt feelings or risk losing relationships. Bottom line? We don't work together. We don't fit. And that really sucks as a parent to have to separate from the one who created this beautiful child with you, but staying together would have been worse. This happens. It sucks. But this happens.

I have one life. One. Just one. One chance. And I want to spend it living happily and fully. With no regrets and no, "what if's." I gave Greg everything I had. Once there was nothing left, I knew what was best for me and Collin was this.

Judge if you want.

Gossip if you must.

I'm happy. Collin is happy. That is all that matters to me.

This needed to be said. I am tired of hiding from my blog and tired of pretending.

This is me, people.

Take it or leave it.

30 Photos

Chelsey, Dani & Jess have all posted this on their blogs. I enjoyed it. So now I am doing it on my blog.

01. Someone you spend a lot of time with.

{  Mah Goo Bear!  }



02. A picture of you.

03. A random photo of you & your significant other.

{  circa 2007  }



04. A picture of something that makes you happy.

05. An old picture of you.

{  NJROTC geek, anyone?  }



06. A picture of your sibling(s).

{  My Seester!  }



07. A picture you've never posted on your blog before.

08. A picture of a person you miss.

{  My Dad.  }

09. A picture of people who knew you now & then.

{  This photo was actually taken by my cousin, Debbie @ West Word.  }

10. A picture of your favorite place.

{  Lake Huron, MI.  }

11. A person you can tell anything to.

12. A picture of your everyday life.

13. A picture from a place you love.

{  Collin & his Great Gramma in Michigan.  }

14. A picture that reminds you of great times.

{  My Seester, her husband, our cousin, Jason & I on the shore of Lake Huron.  }

15. A class photo.

16. A picture of the best day of your life.

17. A picture that always makes you laugh.

18. A picture of your spare time.

19. A photo from a great night.

20. A picture of people who are closest to you.

21. A picture of someone you always have a good time with.

22. A picture of your parents when they were (around) your age.

23. A picture from last summer.

{  Photo by my cousin, Debbie @ West Word.  }

24. A picture of your closest friend of the opposite sex (not your partner).

25. A picture of you on your favorite vacation.

{  Once again, Lake Huron, MI.  }

26. A picture of an accomplishment.

27. A picture of your closest friends.

28. A random picture from photobooth.

29. A photo that makes you smile.

30. Someone you will never let go of.

{  Liam's story.  }

 

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Photo Challenge Entries

Everyday Life.

Simple Beauty.

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Dear Collin (15 Months)

Dear Collin,

Last weekend, you turned fifteen months old. You also decided to kamikaze yourself out of your crib. I found you one morning on the floor reading a book as if you hadn't just nearly fallen to your death. Last weekend, we also lowered your crib. For the last time. After this, you'll need a toddler bed & Mama will need a hospital because this whole growing up business you're doing has made my heart break a little bit.

I never realize just how much you've grown until I look at older photos of you. As I scroll through them on the computer, I find myself wondering how this all happened before my very eyes. I still see you as a chunky little baby...too helpless to even eat on your own. Now, you're throwing food at Mama & the dogs with happy laughter.

Looking back, I realize now more than ever I need to live in the moment. To just be with you. My little GooBa. I mourn over past memories. Wishing I could bottle them up & place them on a shelf. That way, on the days I miss your chunky face smiling at me as we roast your first marshmallows in Michigan, I can go to my shelf, take down the bottle & relive it any time I need.

It sounds so cliche for a Mama to say she never knew she could love someone so much until she held her baby in her arms, but that's exactly how I feel. My heart has swelled to a size I thought impossible before your arrival & it grows impossibly larger each day. I love you so much.

...now if only I can make sure you don't grow up too fast. Where is the pause button?

Love,

Mama

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Joy of Love: Days Eight & Nine

Day eight prompt: gift from the heart.
Day eight camera tip: manual mode.

Day nine prompt: passions & hobbies.
Day nine camera tip: keep working on previous tips.

My husband gives me a gift from the heart every single morning. He wakes up before the sun, proceeds with his morning routine, then gently kisses my forehead as I sleep in bed & holds the baby monitor up to his ear for a moment to listen for tiny breathing sounds & then heads out to work. So the gift from the heart I chose was dishes. My least favorite chore. Because as much as I hate them. I am grateful we have them & forever thankful that my husband gives me the gift of being home with our baby boy. Our current financial situation is sucky...at best...& I am currently looking for work, but I am still incredibly grateful for the hard work he puts in for our little family every single day.

Collin is still too little to have many hobbies or interests...unless Yo Gabba Gabba counts. So, I like to think he enjoys our trips to Target as much as I do. I mean....who doesn't find Target interesting??

Okay, so maybe Collin doesn't find it as interesting as Mama does. He does enjoy our newest activity. Coloring. I foresee many afternoons filled with crayons & markers & torn out pages from coloring books. These are mostly blurry, but I was too caught up in our moments to worry too much about my camera settings.

And I threw in a Yo Gabz picture for good measure.

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