I didn't blog about Mother's Day. This was intentional.
As the mother of a child who is gone from this world, holidays always have a hint of sadness attached to them.
...& for me, Mother's Day is the worst of those holidays.
It is a painful reminder that I have one more child to mother that is not being mothered. That I have only been half of the mother I should have been all year...because only half of my children are here. One is here. The other is not. And it's not fair. It's just plain not fair.
Here is a peek into my mental state on Mother's Day via Twitter:
....All this mother's day attention has the opposite effect on me. I just want to cry. Liam isn't here. I am alone. My to do list is a mile long.
....This is all that is keeping me from curling into a ball on my floor today.
....Mother' Day episode of Wonder Pets. I could throw a shoe at my TV right now. Cue tears in 3...2...1....
....Also...there is a mutant cockroach in my shower drain....& I have to meet my family in an hour.
....I really wish I wasn't so Grinchy about Mother's Day today.
Thankfully, I didn't curl into a ball. Thankfully, I have one of my sons here. Thankfully, he makes my heart fill with enough love for twelve children.
....& thankfully, Greg brought me home a card.
From Liam.
I hope we always do this for each other. No matter what happens. I hope we always remember to keep Liam alive through Mother's Day cards & Father's Day cards & birthday cakes. Cakes Collin blows out the candles for because big brother cannot.
