Last night, when I found this out, I for reals started crying. Full on tears, ugly face, mascara on the cheeks, hyperventilating crying. It wasn't just Thomas. It was a fun day with his Mama. I don't get a lot of days for just FUN. Days where I can say yes to everything. Want to see Thomas? Done. Want an ice cream? Done. Want to blow the $6 whistle for hours at a time? Ok.
I'm a single Mom. I work all day & all week. When I get home, I am cleaning or cooking or catching up on laundry or cleaning up after dinner or changing Collin's peed on bedsheets or stressing about how I'll make it through the month financially or worrying about the upcoming hospital bill from the tongue incident or giving Collin a bath or telling him not to put food in his nose or telling him to stop picking his nose or telling him not to throw toys at the wall or telling him to put away his books that he tossed all over the floor or putting Thomas the Train in the DVD player for the 17th time that evening.
Basically, single parenting is hard. And it sucks working all day & then coming home to my second shift & working until bedtime & then working again doing freelance/side/school work after bedtime. I work three given shifts any given day & that doesn't leave much of me for Collin. I'm sometimes a total drag & I hate not always being able to spend the time with him that I used to when I stayed at home. I feel so sad for him. I never wanted him to have this life, but I also know that I am doing my best by him. And when something like Thomas happens...& I can't give that small piece of happy to him, I lose my shit. Because it means (to me) that all my working? All of my being a drag? Is for nothing (just how I feel sometimes).
Naturally, I called Jacob sobbing. Because it was the end of the world. Duh. And then I took my pout party to FB. I just wanted the whole world to feel sorry for me. I was venting & sort of behaving like a brat. Which is why when an amazingly selfless & sweet person called me (I ignored the number because I didn't recognize it) & then texted me offering to buy the tickets, I refused. I wasn't looking for a handout & in reality, I knew Collin would survive not seeing Thomas. But this person was persistent & refused to back down, bought me FOUR tickets, so that I could take J & Aiden too & then THANKED ME for helping their karma. I will never be able to show this person how this gift made me feel. I was sobbing & dry heaving all over the place. It was more than just the God damned train. It was a fun day. A day where Collin didn't have a Mama who was working or cleaning or any of those other ors. It was a day Mama & Collin could play & be free & meet Collin's very favorite train in the world.
This person knows who they are & I could never repay you for the feelings & memories you gave us today. This is the only way I know how to pay you back. With the look on my son's face & the excitement in his voice when he saw Thomas.
I used my cell phone a lot because we were all over the place. They had all these different stations where you could get tattooed, color, play & all kinds of other stuff. Anyways, here are the cell phone pics. So happy sometimes that I have this piece of technology. The last one is a gem.
I swear to God, you guys, this was one of the best days of my life. I cried, even, when I saw how stoked Collin was to see the REAL LIFE THOMAS. HE'S REAL!!!!!
Also? I didn't get one single picture of Thomas the whole day. I mean, what the HELL, Holly?!