Dear Collin (15 Months)

Dear Collin,

Last weekend, you turned fifteen months old. You also decided to kamikaze yourself out of your crib. I found you one morning on the floor reading a book as if you hadn't just nearly fallen to your death. Last weekend, we also lowered your crib. For the last time. After this, you'll need a toddler bed & Mama will need a hospital because this whole growing up business you're doing has made my heart break a little bit.

I never realize just how much you've grown until I look at older photos of you. As I scroll through them on the computer, I find myself wondering how this all happened before my very eyes. I still see you as a chunky little baby...too helpless to even eat on your own. Now, you're throwing food at Mama & the dogs with happy laughter.

Looking back, I realize now more than ever I need to live in the moment. To just be with you. My little GooBa. I mourn over past memories. Wishing I could bottle them up & place them on a shelf. That way, on the days I miss your chunky face smiling at me as we roast your first marshmallows in Michigan, I can go to my shelf, take down the bottle & relive it any time I need.

It sounds so cliche for a Mama to say she never knew she could love someone so much until she held her baby in her arms, but that's exactly how I feel. My heart has swelled to a size I thought impossible before your arrival & it grows impossibly larger each day. I love you so much.

...now if only I can make sure you don't grow up too fast. Where is the pause button?

Love,

Mama

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