Holly Days: Dear Collin (15 Months)

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dear Collin (15 Months)

Dear Collin,

Last weekend, you turned fifteen months old. You also decided to kamikaze yourself out of your crib. I found you one morning on the floor reading a book as if you hadn't just nearly fallen to your death. Last weekend, we also lowered your crib. For the last time. After this, you'll need a toddler bed & Mama will need a hospital because this whole growing up business you're doing has made my heart break a little bit.

I never realize just how much you've grown until I look at older photos of you. As I scroll through them on the computer, I find myself wondering how this all happened before my very eyes. I still see you as a chunky little baby...too helpless to even eat on your own. Now, you're throwing food at Mama & the dogs with happy laughter.

Looking back, I realize now more than ever I need to live in the moment. To just be with you. My little GooBa. I mourn over past memories. Wishing I could bottle them up & place them on a shelf. That way, on the days I miss your chunky face smiling at me as we roast your first marshmallows in Michigan, I can go to my shelf, take down the bottle & relive it any time I need.

It sounds so cliche for a Mama to say she never knew she could love someone so much until she held her baby in her arms, but that's exactly how I feel. My heart has swelled to a size I thought impossible before your arrival & it grows impossibly larger each day. I love you so much.

...now if only I can make sure you don't grow up too fast. Where is the pause button?


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  1. it's heartbreaking and wonderful all at the same time. heartbreakingly wonderful! wonderfully heartbreaking?

  2. This made me tear up a little bit; I definitely am guilty of not living in the moment as much as I should. Happy 15 months!

  3. Well said mama...tears and smiles. It is all so very true. Thanks for sharing and thanks for reminding me to also, live in the moment.


  4. oh my gosh!! he did that to his crib??? i woulda had a heart attack.