This used to be a month filled with swimming pools & sticky, strawberry flavored fingers from melted popsicles.
This used to be the month filled with last minute barbecues & back to school preparations.
This used to be the month spent carefree & sucking in every last second of the Summer.
For me, August is no longer any of these things. For me, August is the month we lost our baby boy. August is when we lost Liam.
Things are different this year, though. This year, we have our little Goo Monkey. We have Collin. I have to admit, Collin helps to ease my pain with every smile & giggle; every cry & whimper.
I have a baby safe in my arms & I love him so incredibly much, but I still miss Liam. For everything that he was to us & for everything that he could have been.
However, I'm learning to let go of my anger & guilt. I'm learning that I can't change anything & that Liam did, in fact, live. Truly live. I'm learning that my life has to go on if his is going to mean anything.
"She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts." -George Elliot
♥ ♥ ♥
ReplyDeleteAugust can still be those things, for Collin.
August is a month of holding your baby close. Giving extra kisses, and extra cuddles.
August is a month of being extra thankful and extra patient in those trying moments we all have as moms.
At least that's what I thought of at 4am while reading your blog and nursing Emma for the second time and wishing she'd go to back to sleep.
I agree with what your cousin said... in time, hopefully August can be all those wonderful things, plus an extra wonderful reminder/learning experience of Collin's big brother. Liam will always live on through you. <3
ReplyDeletewow, that is incredibly powerful. thanks for sharing your heart.
ReplyDelete*HUGE hugs* Thank you for sharing this. You are so strong and Liam and Collin such blessings. An angel and a little goo man <3
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