Holly Days: Let's Get Real, v2

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Monday, May 21, 2012

Let's Get Real, v2

Collin started preschool today. And I'm supposed to talk about the circle of life & how fast kids grow & all that, but I'm not going to.

Up until today, Collin's dad has been out of work. So when & if Collin needed daycare, it was one day here & there. Though, Collin did go to daycare for a few months when I first started at my company (at the time, his dad was working), but he has never had to go full time in almost a year.

I hate that he has to go. I hate that I can't be there with him to protect him & hold his hand & translate for him when he needs something. I know that I can't be there for everything. I know that he will be fine. I know he will probably end up loving it.

But right now? Right now, it sucks. I never thought Collin's dad & I would be divorced when we had him. I never thought he would have to split his time with us. I don't know, maybe I'm upset because I'm letting go of the future I saw for Collin. I'm sad for him sometimes. I know what it's like to have divorced parents & what it feels like to have to split time between them.

I'm sure most divorced people with kids say this, but Collin's dad & I actually have a pretty good relationship. We have never fought in front of him, we discuss everything together (J didn't meet Collin until I cleared it with Greg first) & we are able to get along & put our own issues aside to figure out what is best for Collin. I think we are really lucky in that aspect. And maybe so is Collin.

I think this is mostly normal. That most of us moms feel this way when we send our kids off to preschool. I think we sort of grieve over the fact that our baby isn't a baby anymore. He is a person. And we can't be there all of the time. And sometimes a bad thing could happen or he will fall & we won't be there to kiss it better. We know we are the best caretakers for our children, so to trust other people...is hard.

I'm just being all sad about him today. I miss him so much when I'm at work. I wish we could just have adventures & hang out everyday.

I know I'll be fine. I'll adjust to this. So will he.

But today? Today is for the ugly cry on the drive to work & for calling to check on him during my lunch break, secretly hoping he would be crying for me & then being both sad & elated to find out he has been doing just fine all day.

Link up your own Let's Get Real post here or at any of these other lovely ladies' blogs.


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